50 Ways To Slack Off At Work
Today, (2/1/2018), the working world are either back on their daily 9-5 grind or they’re prepping themselves mentally for their inevitable return.
If you’re like me, then you’ll be looking for ways to ‘not do work… while being at work’ – (I’m joking of course, in case my boss is reading).
While this won’t make a great impression on your paymasters I can totally understand the logic – you’re still on a come down from the festive high and you’re bogged down with the same mind-numbing questions: ‘How were your holidays?’, ‘Did you have a good New Year?’.
Seriously, if someone says Happy New Year to me one more time they’re getting dashed out of a second-floor window – the workload is no better as you deal with rude post-Christmas customers, your 22,000 unread emails and deadlines so short you’d think this was the January transfer window.
Therefore it’s no surprise us ‘hard-working’ folk love to slack off from time-to-time, as found in a research poll which surveyed 2000 workers across the UK – we all love and have taken numerous opportunities to skive off from work.
Among the top 50 ‘techniques’ to avoid the inevitable include tactical toilet breaks and booking meeting rooms for a gossip, with some going as far to take compassionate leave for the death of a non-existent granny, which is just lowest of the low.
Geoffrey Dennis, Chief Executive of international animal charity SPANA, which provides free veterinary treatment to working animals in developing countries, said:
Returning to work after the holiday season can come as a shock to the system – and no doubt some workers will be easing themselves back in slowly this week.
Many people in this country undoubtedly work very hard, but it’s clear from these findings office workers are finding creative ways of putting their feet up for a break.
The study also shows the average worker in Britain will slack-off for about 50 minutes of the day and how four in 10 workers slack off to get personal tasks completed without anyone knowing.
Another 34% have claimed to be bored by their current role – well then perhaps it’s time for a career change or a change of setting?
A fifth of those who took part in the study revealed they’re busier in the morning which allows them the liberty to slack off in the afternoon.
Around 42% put off or ‘duck’ from their work responsibilities because they find their job easy… i.e. their complacent and setting themselves up for an inevitable fall.
41% admitted to being the ‘model employee’, however boredom or resentment for their job has turned them into a slacker, with 26% saying their temptation to slack off is holding them back from progressing in their career.
Unsurprisingly one in 10 workers haven’t been discreet in their tactical slacking, resulting in either a serious council session with HR and the bosses, written warnings or a verbal dressing down in front of fellow colleagues.
Although the back-to-work transition may feel hard, we should remember this is a very minor issue compared to the tough working lives endured by working animals overseas.
Daniels went on to say:
These animals often lead short, painful lives, working in dangerous environments, without access to veterinary care when they are sick or injured. They desperately need our help.
They work tirelessly, often carrying back-breaking loads in extreme conditions, to help people in the poorest communities earn a small income.
Like their owners, they never get to enjoy rest periods, lazy afternoons or holidays.
Here Are The Top 50 Ways People Slack Off At Work:
1. Browsing the internet
2. Surfing the internet with the screen turned away from colleagues
3. Checking personal emails
4. Sending messages via Messenger, WhatsApp etc
5. Browsing social media
6. Disappearing for a little walk
7. Online shopping
8. Completing life admin at desk (banking, booking tickets, online food shops etc.)
9. Eating lunch at your desk
10. Staring at the screen looking concentrated – while daydreaming
11. Tactical toilet breaks
12. Reading the same document over and over
13. Doodling, appearing to take serious notes
14. A drink ready to tactically refill when a break is needed
15. Starting kitchen conversations
16. Writing personal emails in Microsoft Word
17. Quickly switching between tabs and windows
18. Taking as much time off at lunch as possible
19. Wearing headphones
20. Creating fictional meetings off-site
21. Go for ‘a number two’
22. Arranging to ‘work from home’
23. Reading a newspaper
24. Playing online games – disguised as work
25. Starting water cooler conversations
26. Making fake phone calls
27. Booking the meeting room for a gossip
28. Regular fag breaks
29. Arranging your desk so no one can see your screen
30. Offering to make numerous tea rounds
31. Adjusting the brightness of the screen so no-one can what’s on there
32. Constantly writing things on Post-it notes
33. Taking compassionate leave for the death of a non-existent granny / granddad
34. Walking around the office with a sense of urgency
35. Keep checking, and staring, at your watch
36. Watching TV on your PC/phone/laptop
37. Cluttering your desk to look ‘snowed under’
38. Sending late night emails
39. Attending fake medical appointments
40. Printing out copious amounts of “documents”
41. Booking out the boardroom for a power nap
42. Inventing medical issues – stomach cramps, migraines, headaches
43. Inventing emergencies to attend to
44. Having a mirror on the PC to check when the boss is coming
45. Pretending there is a fault with your PC/laptop/phone
46. Organising ‘urgent’ mobile phone calls with friends
47. Having sex in the office (i.e. toilet, stationery cupboard)
48. Running a separate business, side-line or other non-work project
49. Pretending to photocopy
50. Disabling sleep mode on your computer screen
If my bosses happen to be reading this, full disclosure: my colleagues and I ARE NOT doing this… and if it is going on, there’s no way you can prove it… is there?