Is the best thing about Christmas the food? In a word – probably yes.
It sums up everything we love about the whole day, it brings the family together, it’s a treat you only have during the festive period, and it’s just darn delicious.
The whole day revolves around the food doesn’t it? Whether you’re a lunch-er or a dinner-er, or your Christmas meal falls into that weird afternoon period of it being a really late lunch or really early tea, it doesn’t matter, it’s all about (over)indulging yourself with that yuletide goodness.
And hark! The herald angels are singing, the three wise men are on their way, and they’ve brought us a scrumptious gift – foot-long pigs in blankets! Just what baby Jesus wanted! You can keep your myrrh to yourself, thanks.
Yep, after a mouth-watering announcement in September about the lauded foot-longs, we’ve had a few hard months to get through. Now however, Aldi are finally delivering the tasty treats, as their massive pigs in blankets go on sale this week.
The supermarket has announced their British pork sausages wrapped in smoked, streaky bacon (anyone else drooling?) will be available in stores from Thursday, December 6.
They’ll come in packs of two – that’s two feet’s worth of piggy, blankety deliciousness – priced at just £2.99. While we know the length, there’s been much speculation as to the girth of the sausage. But I guess we’ll have to wait ’til Thursday, when Aldi reveal their meat, to solve that mystery.
According to Aldi, one pack of their super-sized festive treat serves up to ten people, though I’m not sure many people will stick to that recommendation. It’s Christmas, you have to overindulge yourself, it’s the law!
Naturally, people are hugely excited for these festive whoppers already, and they’re not even out yet.
One person wrote on Twitter:
Best thing ive heard today that Aldi are launching footlong pigs in blankets for Christmas what a delight [sic]
Best thing ive heard today that Aldi are launching footlong pigs in blankets for Christmas what a delight
— Wilkooo➰ (@JoeWilkins_) September 20, 2018
While another said:
Aldi selling foot long pigs in blankets for Christmas is probably the greatest Christmas news ever. Like EVER! [sic]
This is the things dreams are made of!
Aldi selling foot long pigs in blankets for Christmas is probably greatest Christmas news ever. Like EVER!
This is the things dreams are made of!
— Sean Foley (@AccordinToSean) September 20, 2018
And yet another said:
This picture though. Foot-long pigs in blankets!! And then a three-pronged sausage situation wrapped in bacon! Oh my word, Aldi.
This picture though. Foot-long pigs in blankets! And then a three-pronged sausage situation wrapped in bacon! Oh my word, Aldi. pic.twitter.com/vjgYhqDBpN
— Natasha Hinde (@tashahinde) September 20, 2018
Foot-longs aren’t the only part of Aldi’s Christmas range though. There’s also Methuselah Prosecco (yes please), an Exquisite Chocolate Carousel (oh go on then), and Specially Selected Caviar (erm, sorry, think my monocle just fell out…).
And if that’s not enough, the supermarket are also selling a Wine Advent Calendar, so you can match all these things with a recommended tipple.
As Aldi says:
Pair them with your meals, include them in your recipes, or just enjoy them with friends and family over the festive season.
Or, y’know, sit in the corner with your foot-long and your wine and just have a great time by yourself. Pull up a blanket and become the very thing you’re eating, who cares.
Merry Christmas y’all.
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Charlie Cocksedge is a journalist at UNILAD. He graduated from the University of Manchester with an MA in Creative Writing, where he learnt how to write in the third person, before getting his NCTJ. His work has also appeared in such places as The Guardian, PN Review and the bin.