Boris Johnson Offered Kinky New Job

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After today’s mayoral election in London, poor Boris Johnson will be joining the 1.69 million people in the UK who are currently unemployed, but not to worry he’s already been offered another job.

The adult shop Ann Summers, have offered the outgoing mayor and MP a job working in one of their shops, after he declared on Twitter that, ‘Operation Juddering Climax is coming to its final shuddering surge’.

The disturbingly worded tweet was accompanied by a video where Boris asked for people to vote for Zac Goldsmith today, citing his own achievements as proof that the conservatives could be trusted to run the capital.

Unfortunately for Boris Johnson no one was interested in the video but in the way the soon to be ex-mayor described his stewardship of the city.

Of course ‘Operation Juddering Climax’ soon began to trend online with people mortified at what the tweet meant.

https://twitter.com/Dhochlaf/status/727848376251908096

Unfortunately for the Conservatives Zac Goldsmith, who’s campaigning to be Boris’s successor as mayor, seems to be losing out to Labour’s candidate Sadiq Khan in the polls.

Maybe comparing your mayorship to an orgasm wasn’t the best thing to do Boris. People don’t like sticky messes.


Tom Percival

Tom Percival

More of a concept than a journalist, Tom Percival was forged in the bowels of Salford University from which he emerged grasping a Masters in journalism. Since then his rise has been described by himself as ‘meteoric’ rising to the esteemed rank of Social Editor at UNILAD as well as working at the BBC, Manchester Evening News, and ITV. He credits his success to three core techniques, name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake.