The streets of Boston, home of the Celtics, Red Sox, and John L. Sullivan are soon to be lined with hooting, tooting, straight guys.
Probably clad in oversized football jersey’s with baggy checkered shorts, these guys are gonna take to the streets and scream and shout about just how God damn proud they are to be straight in the Land of the Free.
Because only a minuscule 97 per cent of men consider themselves to be straight, according to Wikipedia, the people behind this Straight Pride March believe that the ‘straight majority’ are ‘oppressed’ and thus want to ‘create a space for people of all identities to embrace the vibrancy of the straight community’.
And after a rocky start, their application for the march has now been approved, reports The Washington Post, in what they are billing as ‘a seminal moment in the history of civil rights in America’. Yep, that’s right. Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, and the straight guys behind Straight Pride. Yeehaw!
Speaking about the march, John Hugo, president of the organising group Super Happy Fun America (who’s catchphrase is ‘it’s great being straight’) said:
We would like to congratulate the City for embracing progress and recognizing the rights of straights.
The parade will be a seminal moment in the history of civil rights in America. All are welcome, both straights and allies, to join us in celebrating the diverse history, culture, and contributions of the straight community.
Straight people are an oppressed majority. We will fight for the right of straights everywhere to express pride in themselves without fear of judgement and hate. The day will come when straights will finally be included as equals among all of the other orientations.
While their application has been approved, the group still requires approval from the police department and licensing board, for the march to actually go ahead. If their permit gets accepted and they receive approval, the Straight Pride March will take place on August 31.
Finally the mass population of straight dudes in Boston will feel safe once more! MURICA!
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Joseph Loftus is a Gold Standard NCTJ journalist with four years experience working for international and regional press.
As well as working for UNILAD and LADbible, Joseph has worked as Liverpool Correspondent for Unsigned & Independent Magazine, as well as stints with the Liverpool Echo and Warrington Guardian.