Drug Dealer’s Automated Message On His Birthday Is Hilarious


The sale of narcotics is a risky business, so dangerous that even your local ‘Weed Man’ needs a day-or-two off to recuperate.

This is something Twitter user @_Mandieeee discovered when her dealer sent an automated message informing her he’d be unavailable for a few days… just so he could celebrate his birthday.

You’ve got to give him credit, it’s more polite than simply ghosting for a few days.

Simply known as Weed Man on her contacts list – let’s be honest your local dealer will never give out his/her real name – he sent out a mass message saying he’ll ‘be OFF’ on his birthday and ‘most likely the following Saturday morning recovering’.

I guess dealers need to let their hair loose from time to time as well.

It’s probably a wise idea take a few days off too, seeing as his birthday falls on the dreaded ‘Friday 13th’. If he happens to be the suspicious type, he’s probably thinking ‘anything that can go wrong on that day will most likely go wrong’ – I believe they call it Murphy’s Law.

He goes onto to inform his clientele that he will ‘resume Regular scheduled hustling’ on Saturday evening, so while his choice of occupation could be deemed questionable you can’t help but admire his consummate professionalism.

Getty UK

Weed Man kindly signs off his message by telling his customers ‘(No need to respond to this message)’. I mean, the last thing you want is your ‘business phone’ being inundated with non-work related texts. That’s just considered completely unprofessional.

When @_Mandieeee shared Weed Guy’s hilarious ‘out of office’ message, Twitter was quick to respond to his post. They not only commended his savvy customer service skills but some even considered taking him on as their dealer.

This guy could smash it on The Apprentice.

Twitter’s Alan Sugars agreed:

While the response may have done brilliant numbers for her Twitter account – thus making her feel pleased, no doubt – I’m pretty sure Weed Man might not share the same sentiment. Most dealers pride themselves on being inconspicuous, so to have his business put out there for the whole world to see could be quite incriminating.

Like the Notorious B.I.G said on The Ten Crack Commandments:

Don’t you know Bad Boys move in silence and violence? Take it from your highness.


You know, I’ve always wondered what you’d get a drug dealer for his birthday. More drugs? Or maybe they’d just like a nice cashmere sweater. Cake?

Only one way to find out I suppose.