It’s 2017. The world, as stupid as it is, knows many things. One of those things is what it is to be roasted.
Now I’m guessing that Reddit simpleton, krizzkris, knew what to expect when she posted to r/roastme page. I have little sympathy for her.
Personally I’ve never felt the need for mass attention but krizzkris isn’t like me. She sold her soul for a batch of Internet fame and it was a mass success, in a way.
So let’s waste no more time – this gal posted a photo of herself sucking on a straw in what looks like a Chick-fil-A somewhere stateside.
Alongside the photo she wrote: ‘I’m too hot to be roasted… but try anyways’.
Whether or not she was being sarcastic is up for debate. What isn’t up for debate is the fact that Reddit went in hard.
Here’s a select few comments of upmost brutality:
Guys giving you minimal attention because you give out blowjobs like drags on a cigarette does not make you hot.
Right? I’m very confused why she thinks she’s hot. I’ve taken better looking shits.
In spanish we have a saying that roughly translates to “the eyes of a dead donkey.” That’s you. That’s what you have.
You’re definitely at a Starbucks or equivalent coffee place, doing your best to blend in and look like a normal girl when you’re actually so insecure about your appearance that you have to insist you’re “hot”. In actuality, your Texas-sized forehead and uneven eyes put you at a level just below room temperature, but that’s okay – you’ll find enough guys desperate enough to take you that you’ll think it validates your appearance. Then, later in life, you’ll come to the painful realization that you don’t have the character or personality traits to keep anyone near you for an extended period of time, and as your looks fade, you’ll settle for anyone willing to even talk to you.
Your dad calls you hot in confidence that you won’t tell others.
Whenever I go into London, I see a thousand generic young women, and a thousand manequins. You’ve managed to combine all the worst features of both.
Stallone wants his lips back.
Discount Kim Kardashian.
I bet you’ve seen more dick than a male locker room.
I’d be “too hot” too with that giant solar panel you call a forehead.
So there you have it. And trust me, there were many, many more.
Of course – bullying is never funny but if you’re posting to r/roastme then that is the entire purpose of the thread.
If you’re being genuinely bullied then The CALMzone offers amazing support to anyone when things get tough.
The helpline and web chat service are open 5pm to midnight, every day:
NATIONWIDE: 0800 58 58 58
Alternatively, you can contact Samaritans on free phone number – 116 123.
Joseph Loftus is a Gold Standard NCTJ journalist with four years experience working for international and regional press.
As well as working for UNILAD and LADbible, Joseph has worked as Liverpool Correspondent for Unsigned & Independent Magazine, as well as stints with the Liverpool Echo and Warrington Guardian.