Yesterday Simon Berry was just a nobody but now the braved faced 24-year-old is a hero: a true inspiration to us all.
Straight outta Steel City, Simon knew his goal – his life’s work, this brazen Lothario’s magnum opus – to set the world record for bungee jumping directly towards a cup of steaming Yorkshire tea before dunking a chocolate coated hobnob fittingly into the brewski, reports the Daily Mail.
And on that fateful day in November Simon did just that and I cried with pride, like the bulk of onlookers across the world, as Simon made history.
230 feet he soared down, like a bird of prey, a peregrine falcon with a mouse in its piercing eyes, like Ezio towards the haystack, Simon Berry did not fall but rather flew towards his delicious destination.
As he plummeted I gazed in nervous awe. Would this risk taker, Sheffield’s answer to Evel Knievel, actually prove the impossible to be possible? Would he make the disbelievers and the doubters stutter in their enlightenment.
The mug of tea remained still as Simon flew ever downwards, sitting, waiting, interminably waiting as Simon perpetually descended – and then the two met, as arm extended into the frothing cup of tea, it is a remarkable brief encounter.
The greatest rendezvous since Romeo & Juliet, the modern answer to Odysseus and Penelope – Simon Berry, biscuit, and cup of tea – an admirable ménage à trois feat.
Simon, wherever you are right now, I salute you sir. We all do. We salute you. You did it.
Joseph Loftus is a Gold Standard NCTJ journalist with four years experience working for international and regional press.
As well as working for UNILAD and LADbible, Joseph has worked as Liverpool Correspondent for Unsigned & Independent Magazine, as well as stints with the Liverpool Echo and Warrington Guardian.