Ah Today I Fucked Up. How you never fail to amuse me.
This is the simple tale of Diego in Brazil who dated a girl but couldn’t remember her name. Diego didn’t want to ask her her name so their love continued in a downwards spiral of anonymous and nameless chatter (and sex).
Although it’s not as gruesome, brutal, or as sickening as the bulk of TIFU posts, it’s hard to argue that this isn’t equally as tragic. Oh Diego.
Anyhow – let’s not waste anymore time. Here’s the post in full:
That story happened 3 years ago. I was leaving a restaurant when I saw one girl in the street, she looked at me and I thought “Well, I think I know her, I think I ‘dated’ her when I was very young (twelve years young, just holding hands and kid’s stuff, I have 25 by now)”. So the girl comes at me and say:
Girl: Hi Diego! Long time no see.
Me: Hi! Wtf, I don’t remember her name
So we chatted a little, remembering the old times at school and she said we should hang out someday. I thought why not, she was very pretty and could be fun, but she asked me to add her in the facebook, but I didn’t remember her name.
Never fear, Diego has a plan:
Me: Oh, sure, how can I find you on Facebook?
Girl: Just search for my name, I think we have a lot of friends in common, it will be easy.
And thats I how I fucked up. I didn’t want to ask her name, would be awkward because she remembered mine. So I asked for her phone, she gave the number to me and a I put on my cellphone as “Girl I dated”
And things only get worse with Diego’s backup plan:
Ok, a week pass by, my friends wants to call her to know her name but I refuse, I had a plan and a backup plan, it would be easy.
I call her, and the conversation goes like this:
Me: Hi, who is this? (my plan! She will say her name and it will be ok)
Me: Hi!! Yes, how are you? (Ok, I fucked up)
Oh dear Diego, oh dear…
So, she didn’t say her name, but we chatted a little on the phone and I asked her out on a date. The date is set. We will see Iron Man 3 in the movie theater in the next day.
Ok, my friends still wanting to call her, but I had another plan, we will see a movie, so when we get to the movie theater and we buy tickets she will probably have a Student ID (Idk if there is something like that in other countries, but college studants pay half the price in concerts and movie theaters in Brazil) and I will joke about her photo in the Student ID and see her name, easy peasy.
So, we are on the movie theater ready to buy the tickets and I she didn’t have student ID because she already have a degree, I fucked up again.
Well Diego is clearly cursed…
In the middle of the movie we start making out and things start to get hard, so we decided to leave and we went to my car.
I parked my car in a dark place and we start to make out and goes on and on and we had sex. It was very nice. After that she cuddles with me and we keep like that for a while.
But of course, because Diego is doomed for life, this is far too much good news for him:
After a while she asked me why I didn’t add her on facebook. Men… I froze. I start to panicking but I said that I didn’t find her on Facebook.
Girl: You didn’t found me? What you searched for?
Me: Well, I searched for your name, but I didn’t found you.
She looked at me, her face turned into a very serious face. She asked me “What is my name Diego?”. I almost shitted my pants, I didn’t know what to do. Do I say the truth, that I really liked her and didn’t want to be awkward and say that I forgot her name? Or I try to guess her name? (I really tought that her name was Bruna, but I tried to search on facebook and never found). I went with the truth. I said that I was ashame that I didn’t remember her name, but I really liked the time we spent together, and she was nice and I keep going saying that stuff.
She obviously got mad and start yelling at me and saying a lot of stuff, calling me names. She asked me to take her to her home, and so I did. I stopped in the front of her house, and before she left I hold her arm and said: Please, Im sorry, what is your name? She was very angry, she take of my arm from her, leave the car and says:
And she leaves.
Poor Diego. He didn’t mean to hurt her but he certainly fucked up – a lot. Surely she took it a bit far though?
He concluded the post writing: ‘Yes Reddit, Im very stupid. I was very upset for a few days, but after that I really laughed with that story’.
Hopefully Diego will find love sometime soon!
Joseph Loftus is a Gold Standard NCTJ journalist with four years experience working for international and regional press.
As well as working for UNILAD and LADbible, Joseph has worked as Liverpool Correspondent for Unsigned & Independent Magazine, as well as stints with the Liverpool Echo and Warrington Guardian.