Reddit certainly brings out the weirdest of stories, and this (somewhat innocent) post highlights that fact more than anything else.
Us humans do lots of things instinctively. Breathing, laughing, crying. Nobody tells us how to do any of those things and lots of others.
Another thing we’re never (or at least I wasn’t) taught to do is how to accurately secure your package inside your trousers.
Fortunately, I completed my mission successfully by aiming my manhood towards the floor as I fastened my pantaloons, but this Redditor, WaywardChronicler, wasn’t – or so he says.
Here’s the post in all its morning glory:
I have in my possession a pair of cheapish jeans from Penny’s that I think overall fit pretty well. There’s ~1 inch of excess fabric in the thighs and a bit more throughout the legs, so I don’t think they’re too tight. I do have one issue, however. From the side, my penis is visible.
Its not outlined in its entirety, but instead of being a straight line from the waist to the hip, the jeans have a sort of curve to them. Not the testes, mind you, but the penis shaft proper. This seems to persist no matter how high the waist or how loose the pants.
Innocent enough – and the first few comments highlight that. But then our unfortunate Redditor realised something terrible:
It did just occur to me that I may have been positioning my penis incorrectly this entire time (didn’t expect to be typing that today). When I have it angled down instead of up (how it usually was), it seems to vanish. Perhaps that was my issue.
And the worst part is, this guy is 18-years-old.
That’s eighteen long years of having his penis facing the ceiling strapped into his waistband. And that shit can’t be comfortable.
As you’d expect, the people commenting were all just as shocked as we are:
Well, at least this has made me feel better on this rainy Thursday morning…
Joseph Loftus is a Gold Standard NCTJ journalist with four years experience working for international and regional press.
As well as working for UNILAD and LADbible, Joseph has worked as Liverpool Correspondent for Unsigned & Independent Magazine, as well as stints with the Liverpool Echo and Warrington Guardian.