Dust off your sheep skins and warm up those cockney accents cos tonight, we’re gonna party like it’s 1998, because Guy Ritchie is making a new British gangster movie.
Movie? Who do you think I am, you mug? We call ’em films round here, mate. Watch them in cinemas not theatres. With a nice cup of tea as well. No sugar thank you, Turkish. I’m sweet enough.
You can probably tell I’m excited by this news. My adrenaline hasn’t been flowing like this since the moments before the one time I blacked out in Hackney at a warehouse party after a session at Romford dogs.
The real news obviously, is Toff Guys, the latest flick from Guy Ritchie, who bought us such wide-boy gems as Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch.
Ritchie will unveil Toff Guys at the 2018 Cannes Film Festival, which starts on Tuesday, May 8, and is reported to be ‘a stylized and inherently British drama’. (Yeah, we’d spell stylised with an ‘s’, but tomato/tomato.)
Pic is set at the intersection of Sexy Beast and Downton Abbey, and follows a very English drug lord attempting to cash out on his highly profitable empire by selling it off to a dynasty of Oklahoma billionaires.
That’s what we like to see, Ritchie returning to the gritty roots of English lad culture after taking a somewhat sideways career turn with pics Swept Away (bizarre celeb drama with his ex, Madonna) and King Arthur (just no).
Guy Ritchie’s early crime comedy capers Lock, Stock and Snatch helped launched the careers of Jason Statham – who went to all kinds of Transporter and Fast and the Furious glory, Dexter Fletcher – who surpassed post-kids TV typecasting, and Vinnie Jones, who transcended a career as a professional footballer into an internationally known professional hard arse Brit.
Deadline writes Toff Guys will be ‘one of the buzzier titles’ when it’s introduced to foreign and domestic buyers at Cannes.
They note, rather cutely:
The propulsion is Ritchie’s signature hyper-real and high-energy shooting, with inherently English dialogue that is hard for some of us to understand as it’s delivered rapid-fire by fast-talking, quirky characters.
Can’t bloody wait.
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Tim Horner is a sub-editor at UNILAD. He graduated with a BA Journalism from University College Falmouth before most his colleagues were born. A previous editor of adult mags, he now enjoys bringing the tone down in the viral news sector.