A street fight, if you can call it that, turned weird when one of the men involved picked up a dead pigeon and hurled it at his opponent.
Footage from the incident shows the two men going at it outside a Liverpool McDonald’s while Mambo Number 5 by Lou Bega plays in the background. Though it’s already shaping up to be the best bad street fight of all time, just wait till you see what happens next.
The two men don’t so much throw punches as have a little dance with each other. One guy looks like he spends a lot of time imagining he’s a character from Mortal Kombat but sadly without the reach of those fighters, while the other just wants to be done with it. And it is therefore latter who emerges as the hero, if you can call it that, as he utilizes a handy dead pigeon to put an end to the bizarre interaction.
Check it out:
Admittedly, it’s not the most athletic event I’ve ever seen, but definitely the first time I’ve seen a dead pigeon used as a weapon.
Fortunately for us all it was caught on camera by doorman Kwasie Mensah, and now the glorious late night incident is entering your eyeholes and distracting you from whatever else you’re supposed to be doing right now. And, if you’re anything like me, you might even be wondering whether, when pushed to such extreme circumstances, you too would reach for a dead pigeon lying on the pavement in order to throw it at someone else’s head and put an end to a ridiculous brawl.
It’s not the most dignified fighting technique, and there’s certainly no dignity spared for the poor pigeon, but these are the extremest of extreme circumstances we’re talking about.
I wonder, had a dead rat been lying on the ground, whether the fight would have ended the same way? Where do you draw the line when it comes to the lifeless body of an innocent animal being used as a violent projectile? I suppose none of us really know what happens to our bodies when we die, some of us donate our organs to others, while some of us may give our whole body to science, and who knows what those scientists get up to…
Luckily, doorman Kwasie didn’t think using a pigeon as a projectile was too much, as he said: ‘The video comes across as quite funny, but it could of took [sic] a turn for the worse. Luckily it never, if it did though we definitely would [have] stepped in.’
The guy missed a trick though, he should’ve shouted ‘Fly, my pretties!’ as he chucked it.
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Charlie Cocksedge is a journalist at UNILAD. He graduated from the University of Manchester with an MA in Creative Writing, where he learnt how to write in the third person, before getting his NCTJ. His work has also appeared in such places as The Guardian, PN Review and the bin.