There are over 18 quintillion planets to discover in the vast universe of Hello Game’s No Man’s Sky, so the biggest question is: what the hell is waiting for us out there?
A whole lot of stuff that looks like dicks, as it turns out.
For those who don’t know, everything in No Man’s Sky is made up of a procedurally generated algorithm, which dictates everything from the atmosphere of a planet, to the weird and wonderful creatures that dwell within.
Of course, there are no outright giant dick monsters in the game (that we know of yet), but an awful lot of discoveries have a phallic quality to them, like our friend ‘Thrusting Horse’ up there.
With so many players documenting their finds, here are just a few other examples of the many penis creatures that await in No Man’s Sky.
I mean seriously, look at the two below – you have to assume Sean Murray and his team did some of this just to fuck with us.
And then we have this shocking abomination, which seems to come packaged with its very own spiky testicles.
And of course, it would be remiss of me not to include some rare video footage of one explorer’s quest to find the majestic ‘space dick’.
Finally, this little critter, from a planet where penises clearly evolved and declared independence so that they could spend all day hopping around.
I can’t imagine Hello Games want to be remembered as the team that gave us a universe full of things that look suspiciously like knobs, but we make the best of the hand life deals us, I guess.
Oh, and don’t forget to check out this Tumblr dedicated to No Man’s Sky related penis findings. I’m sure that’s all you’ve ever wanted.
Ewan Moore is a journalist at UNILAD Gaming who still quite hasn’t gotten out of his mid 00’s emo phase. After graduating from the University of Portsmouth in 2015 with a BA in Journalism & Media Studies (thanks for asking), he went on to do some freelance words for various places, including Kotaku, Den of Geek, and TheSixthAxis, before landing a full time gig at UNILAD in 2016.