North Korean Army Fires Rockets At Mock Enemy Warships In Show Of Strength

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In news sure to make nihilists shrug and say ‘nothing really matters anyway so who cares’ North Korea has massed its armed forces on a beach in a display of strength designed to frighten the U.S. 

According to the North Korean media the army, navy and air force all mobilised at once to celebrate the 85th anniversary of the army’s founding and fired their weapons in unison as a show of force, the Daily Star reports.

Of course it’s worth pointing out that the North Korean media are a state owned propaganda factory so their reports that the Hermit kingdom has submarines and planes should be taken with a dollop of salt so large it’ll have your GP concerned about your sodium levels.

Coincidentally steak salesman and former reality star turned most powerful man on the planet President Donald Trump has sent an ‘armada’ to deal with the North Korean nuisance or at least convince him to stop testing nukes.

Apparently the world’s second least popular Kim, Kim Jong-Un (He just lost out to Kim Kardashian at the ‘2016’s Worst Kim Off’) gave the order to fire all the weapons himself presumably from very, very, very far away like all great military commanders.

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North Korean broadcaster KCNA reports:

After receiving the report on the plan for the combined fire demonstration, [Kim] gave an order to start the fire demonstration.

Submarines rapidly submerged to make torpedo-attacks at the ‘enemy’ warships while fighters and bombers made zero feet flight above the sea to drop bombs on the targets.

Watching the exciting scenery, the leader praised the seamen of submarines and pilots for hitting targets every time. More than 300 large-caliber self-propelled guns lined up along the coast opened fire all at once.

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There’s definitely a joke here somewhere about military displays and cock measuring contests but to be honest I read ‘seamen’ and started to laugh and now I’ve lost track of what I was writing about.

Anyway South Korea’s dismissed North Korea’s military mid-life crisis as simple posturing in a desperate attempt to convince their people that should it come down to international fisticuffs the North stands a chance.

Spoiler alert – it doesn’t, but that’s not to say a war with the North wouldn’t be a disaster which should be avoided at all costs.


Tom Percival

Tom Percival

More of a concept than a journalist, Tom Percival was forged in the bowels of Salford University from which he emerged grasping a Masters in journalism. Since then his rise has been described by himself as ‘meteoric’ rising to the esteemed rank of Social Editor at UNILAD as well as working at the BBC, Manchester Evening News, and ITV. He credits his success to three core techniques, name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake.