A rather unusual engagement ring has gone up for sale on Gumtree supposedly belonging to ‘Satan herself’… we’re hoping the seller’s speaking metaphorically.
The seller, Craig Holden, decided to sell the 1/4 carat gold ring for a fraction of its value after his relationship with the dark lord Lucifer went down the tubes.
Craig had been with Satan (who’s real name he can’t mention) for three years before he proposed but he claims the proposal sparked a transformation in his blushing bride comparable with what Pazuzu does to Regan.
In his words, it awakened a rage in her and he’s joked that the ring is clearly cursed adding he’s not sure it can be worn by people of faith.
Then it began, the rage, it boiled, her eyes glazed over and her head span 360 degrees on a daily basis and she spewed venomous insults towards my aching heart.
The hilarious offer was also super generous and Craig only wanted £200 for his £1000 ring, although he has added that it doesn’t actually possess any magical powers of it’s own.
So why did Craig reveal the ring’s infamous history if he hoped to make some money from it? Well, like ring bearers before him, Craig clearly knows the power of cursed magic rings.
I’ve always had a relaxed attitude and my humour knows no bounds. As a warning to a potential buyer, I figured I’d give a backstory as buying a second hand engagement ring could be see as bad luck to many.
It’s almost like buying a haunted doll.
Of course it is worth pointing out that we’ve only heard Craig’s side of the story so we reached out to Satan by sacrificing a black goat to the great defiler.
All we got back was ominous Latin chanting along with bleeding walls so we’re taking that as a ‘no comment’.
More of a concept than a journalist, Tom Percival was forged in the bowels of Salford University from which he emerged grasping a Masters in journalism.
Since then his rise has been described by himself as ‘meteoric’ rising to the esteemed rank of Social Editor at UNILAD as well as working at the BBC, Manchester Evening News, and ITV.
He credits his success to three core techniques, name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake.