The votes are in, forget The X Factor, we’re looking at the number one bad Christmas joke.
So here it is, officially the most groan-inducing Christmas cracker joke EVER, according to research: ‘Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!’
A poll of 2,000 Brits revealed one in five selected the festive rib-tickler as the cringiest joke ever pulled out of a traditional Christmas cracker.
It was followed by: What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker!’ and ‘What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? NEIGH-bours!’.
Other cringe-worthy Christmas cracker jokes to make the list include: ‘What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis’, ‘Who is Santa’s favourite singer? Elfis Presley’, and ‘Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer.’
But it also emerged, despite such weak gags, the pull of Christmas crackers remains strong for Brits, with three quarters admitting they enjoy reading out the jokes over Christmas dinner.
The study was commissioned by electrical retailer Currys PC World as part of its ‘Magic of Christmas, Upgraded’ campaign, which has seen them join forces with award-winning British stand-up comedian, Gary Delaney, to ‘upgrade’ some of the nation’s worst Christmas cracker jokes.
The new one-liners include knee-slappers such as; “Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A sensible turkey’, ‘What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? Loads of presents, then a bill’, and ‘What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Mane of thrones? Pony Foals and Horses? Strictly Come Prancing?’
Gary Delaney, said:
We all know that traditional Christmas cracker jokes are weaker than your Nan’s Wi-fi password.
As Currys PC World is upgrading Christmas this year, I’ve been pulled in to help change all that. I’m hoping my joke upgrades will have Brits crack-ing up across the country on Christmas Day.
The survey also found more than a third of Brits confess Christmas crackers are a festive tradition they secretly love, along with cheesy Christmas jumpers, carols and Christmas music.
And more than two thirds of Brits say crackers are considered part of a ‘normal’ Christmas Day for them.
But almost eight in 10 families only pull crackers because it’s in keeping with a festive tradition.
However, six in 10 Brits have been left feeling disappointed by a Christmas cracker joke, with half of those polled believing there’s room for improvement.
In true British style, almost one in five even admitted they only laugh ‘out of politeness’ when they hear a Christmas cracker pun.
The research, carried out via OnePoll.com, also found Brits will pull four crackers each this Christmas period, with a fifth also enjoying the free gift that comes inside.
A mini-torch is the most popular cracker gift, followed by a set of tiny screwdrivers.
Other popular cracker gifts include bottle openers, puzzles and the common flipping-frog toy.
Two thirds even claimed to have kept a Christmas cracker gift, in case it was useful one day.
Here are the top 10 groan-inducing cracker jokes:
1. Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
2. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker
3. What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neigh-bours
4. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick
5. Why do birds fly south in the winter? It’s too far to walk
6. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis
7. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t arrive? “One day my prints will come!”
8. Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught
9. What lies at the bottom of the sea shivering? A nervous wreck
10. Who is Santa’s favourite singer? Elfis Presley
The UK’s largest electrical retailer has pulled out all the stops for their latest festive campaign, creating the Currys PC World Ultimate Christmas Cracker, a major upgrade on the traditional – filled with the top 24 of tech gifts for 2018.
Brits can enter for a chance of winning all 24 gifts, featuring household favourites from top brands including Dyson, Amazon and Nintendo, by heading to Currys PC World’s Facebook page and submitting their personal worst-ever Christmas cracker joke.
Charlie Cocksedge is a journalist at UNILAD. He graduated from the University of Manchester with an MA in Creative Writing, where he learnt how to write in the third person, before getting his NCTJ. His work has also appeared in such places as The Guardian, PN Review and the bin.