Some TV ads go down in history for being genius pieces of art that ensnare the senses and capture the imagination. Many, many more however reek to high heaven of shit.
The majority of people who watch TV are pretty savvy to the idea that they’re being sold shit, and probably shit they don’t want of need. That’s why marketing agencies do their best to make adverts so super sexy, that they trick us into thinking we can’t live without their – usually fucking terrible – product. Nobody seems to have told these chumps though, as these are the 5 worst adverts ever to drag a giant skidmark across our TV screens this year.
Head and Shoulders – No Dandruff
Having officially sold his soul for a bottle of shampoo, it’s a wonder Joe Hart has any time to fit a game of football in between all the hair washing. Head and Shoulders have obviously tried to muscle in on the joke that football fans roast Joe Hart for being their poster-scalp, but it’s failed miserably, and somehow manages to make the whole situation worse. Poor Joe, at least he’s got all that suds-money to comfort him at night.
Dior Sauvage – The New Fragrance
Now, I understand trying to describe a smell through a TV advert is like trying to explain to your grandad what a swegway is, but that’s no excuse for complete mindfuckery on the level of this commercial. It’s like the director is trying to baffle people into the shops. Johnny Depp is brooding about some fucking problem or another before he drops some acid and fucks off into the desert to bury his pirate booty. What the fuck am I supposed to know about what this smells like that I didn’t know before?
Micosoft Nokia Lumia – Cortana
Fucking hell, this one was a perfect shit-storm of a TV ad, the likes of which have rarely been seen. Before they quickly faded into obscurity, Clean Bandit re-evaluated what we all thought awkward meant. The resulting advert killed their career almost as quickly as it killed the hopes and dreams of everybody who had the displeasure of watching it. Maybe if they’d have spent the same amount of time getting the fuck away from this advert as they did flirting with a piece of technology, they’d still be on the scene.
Confused.com – Brian
I’m just gonna put it out there – I fucking hate Brian the Robot. He’s a shameless rip-off and attempted cash-in on that Merecat thing that’s still trying to be relevant. Please stop trying to be cool. You should have stayed dead, Brian. It was better that way.
Go Compare – Gio Returns
I literally have no idea what the marketing team at Go Compare were thinking. They actually killed off this opera fella because the nation was about to collectively stop comparing anything ever again in protest. But in a year where people must have been forgetting how to compare things, somebody, somewhere decided to revive the most annoying premise ever put on the screen. It was not a good idea. Go Away.