The Original Fake Taxi Has Been Stolen From Owner’s Drive

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Scene from Fake TaxiFakeTaxi/Twitter

Is nothing sacred in this world?

Clearly not, as one of the biggest crimes to be committed against the adult entertainment industry to date (and humanity as a matter of fact) took place when the original Fake Taxi was stolen.

The [in]famous black cab was reportedly sitting in its owner’s driveway in Sutton, UK, when two unknown people snuck in to the property, broke into the car and drove off with it.

For those of you with a moral compass or who are still claiming to ‘not know what Fake Taxi is’ (please stop lying), it has become a recent talisman in adult entertainment, making waves – and memes – across the world having originated from Britain.

But I digress, the crime wasn’t just against the Fake Taxi brand, it was an ASSault (Sorry…) on the entire adult entertainment industry.

Within minutes of posting footage of the crime on Twitter, thousands flocked to the social media platform to chastise the two morally corrupt individuals.

The people who run Fake Taxi wrote:

We are at a loss for words. The original Fake Taxi that started it all has been stolen.

If anyone has any news on its whereabouts please email [email protected]

They followed it up with another tweet which read:

This vehicle holds a lot of sentimental value to the Passengers, Drivers and creators of Fake Taxi.

Please help us find it by Retweeting our Pinned Tweet & using #FindFakeTaxi.

Soon the entire adult entertainment industry jumped on the #FindFakeTaxi bandwagon as the two thieves became the most wanted individuals since Osama Bin Laden.

One Twitter user seemed to give up on humanity after hearing the news Fake Taxi had been robbed, expressing the deep and profound loss in his life with a very questionable post which simply read ‘R.I.P my childhood’ with two crying emojis.

Another person had a suggestion for the victims:

Call @fakeagent he might be able to help?

However, it appears Fake Agent’s account has been closed, which is a bit suspicious…Fake Agent’s account is conveniently suspended the moment Fake Taxi’s taxi gets stolen, I’m just saying.

Streaming sites like Brazzers and Pornhub were quick to join the search too. Pornhub took to their Twitter:

THE END OF AN ERA – WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING? #findfaketaxi

And that right there is the million-pound question, isn’t it? Who would steal a car which is well known for so much exchange and expelling of human fluid? I imagine using the steering wheel and stick shift (grow up!) would be deemed unsanitary by a health and safety inspector.

Those same sentiments were echoed by one person on Twitter too who wrote:

This is terrible news- but imagine the police forensics team when they shine a UV light in the back

Really gross thought alert: I can imagine the inside of the car looking like a plasterer’s radio…

In press statement Fake Taxi’s Head of Production, Lew Thomas said:

We’re at a loss for words. The vehicle has a lot of history with our site and is deeply missed. We have other vehicles available, so this will not halt production on FAKE Taxi or FAKEhub. We hope to find the vehicle soon, so any assistance the public can offer in locating the vehicle will be very helpful.

If you have any information on the whereabouts of Fake Taxi’s precious cab, or the two individuals who took it, send an email to [email protected]

If you have a story you want to tell UNILAD, send it to [email protected]