The Top Five Funniest And Shittest Jokes, According To Science

by : Tom Percival on : 26 Nov 2015 18:19


Why did the Scientist study the undergrads? To find out what makes us laugh! 

Academics have been having a right laugh studying the brain mechanism responsible for laughter, and took 65 jokes from an online compilation to test which of them was funniest.


The researchers from Oxford University studied the reactions of 55 undergrads from the London School of Economics to the jokes. The students were asked to rate the jokes, from one – not funny, to four-very funny, they were then scored of this rating.


Jokes which had two characters, were built on a set of expectations and had a punchline tended to rank highest

Professor Robert Dunbar, who led the research, says:


The task of professional comics is to elicit laughs as directly and as fast as possible.

They generally do this most effectively when ensuring that they keep within the mental competence of the typical audience member.

If they exceed these limits, the joke will not be perceived as funny.

So here are, the scientifically proven, top five jokes in the world.

  1. A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
  1. Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guy drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guy says, “What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.” “I don’t need to outrun the bear,” the first guy says. “I just need to outrun you.”
  1. A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, “What the hell was that all about?”


  1. A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not.” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and one at a time lays three one hundred dollar bills on the bar, and says slowly. “Paint…my….house.”
2414002070_18fd84ea3d_o2414002070_18fd84ea3d_oScientific American
  1. China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

And the worst joke in the world is…


056c4a3e-a134-4288-aa04-c179b963e9ee-bestSizeAvailable056c4a3e-a134-4288-aa04-c179b963e9ee-bestSizeAvailableIf this is coffee, please bring me some tea. If this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

Is it me or were they all shit?

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Tom Percival

More of a concept than a journalist, Tom Percival was forged in the bowels of Salford University from which he emerged grasping a Masters in journalism. Since then his rise has been described by himself as ‘meteoric’ rising to the esteemed rank of Social Editor at UNILAD as well as working at the BBC, Manchester Evening News, and ITV. He credits his success to three core techniques, name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake.

Topics: News


The Mirror
  1. The Mirror

    These are the top 10 funniest jokes in the world according to experts - do you agree?