I remember when there were only 151 Pokemon. It was a simpler time, when “catching them all” was a fun mission and not a Herculean task on par with counting all the brown pebbles on the beach.
As of 2016, there are over 700 Pokemon. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, that is an excessive number. Hurray for Nintendo then, as they’ve just announced seven more of the little bastards.
Drampa, Togedemaru, Vikavolt, Cutiefly, Bruxish, Charjabug and Tapu Koko were recently revealed for Pokemon Sun & Moon for the 3DS.
If you think their names are weird, just wait until you seem them. They were shown off in a new gameplay trailer, which you can see below.
It really doesn’t help that they’re starring opposite a number of the older (better designed) monsters.
Maybe I’m old and jaded, or clouded by nostalgia, but I miss the days when the strangest Pokemon out there was a bunch of magnets stuck together, I really do.
Still, we might as well take a look at the runners and riders in more detail. I could use a laugh.
Tapu Koko is an electric/fairy type with a name like a cheap brand of coffee. I don’t know what to compare it to in terms of appearance, because it’s the strangest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.
Presumably these days the Pokemon Company just kind of go with whatever.
To be fair, Cutiefly isn’t that bad – although I can’t help but feel when they were trying to name this one, they were desperate to clock off and head to the pub, so just came up with any old shit.
It’s a flying/fairy type, and despite resembling an unholy union between the hummingbird and the mosquito, it’s kind of cute.
“So I guess if we just squash Pikachu down and make it white instead of yellow, maybe change the ears… we’ve got a brand new Pokemon?”
“Nailed it, they’ll never notice!”
If you ever wanted the world’s ugliest bread bin for a Pokemon, Charjabug is the guy for you.
An electric bug type, I can already tell this poor little fucker is gonna get as much love as your average Zubat.
Someone call the police, because a Digimon appears to have sneaked into my game – Vikavolt actually evolves from Charjabug.
It still doesn’t really make up for the fact that Nintendo thought a green box was an acceptable design, but whatever.
Have you ever seen a fish that looks like it’s about to chat you up at an exuberant night club before? Well now you have.
Bruxish is a water/psychic type, and it will be haunting my nightmares for years to come.
Drampa looks like the kind of thing that would appear in the imagination of a stoner to warn kids about the dangers of drug abuse in a secondary school PSA.
In other words, it looks like shit.
Still, it’s not all bad. The new starter Pokemon (which you can see below) are actually pretty cool. Especially the fire type cat Pokemon which I didn’t know I needed in my life till I saw it.
Pokemon Sun & Moon comes to 3DS on November 18, and is set in the tropical region of Alola.
The new monsters may look rubbish, but you can still count on the classic series’ addictive gameplay, which only improves with each entry (trust me).
Ewan Moore is a journalist at UNILAD Gaming who still quite hasn’t gotten out of his mid 00’s emo phase. After graduating from the University of Portsmouth in 2015 with a BA in Journalism & Media Studies (thanks for asking), he went on to do some freelance words for various places, including Kotaku, Den of Geek, and TheSixthAxis, before landing a full time gig at UNILAD in 2016.