They’ve Figured Out How To Stop D*ckheads Using Phones In The Cinema

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How many time have you been in the cinema or the theatre trying to concentrate on the action, when some dick-waffle sat next to you decides now’s the time to check their phone to see how many likes they’ve got on their latest status update? 

No doubt though, being the polite British sort, you sit there and bear the tortuous light pollution ruining the film for you, while internally you scream: ‘Why are you even here, if you’re not going to watch the film you complete arse-munch!?’

Well no more! A number of brave establishments are leading the charge against people who need to ‘like, comment and subscribe’ on Kim Kardashian’s seemingly never ending live blog of her boring life.

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According to the Evening Standard a handful of theatres in London’s West End have begun to shine lasers on to the less considerate members of the audience to make them put their phone away – which to be honest sounds a bit more distracting than a phone.

Basically the way it works is if you go on your phone while you’re meant to be watching a film or play, the stewards will point a laser in your direction so everyone knows that you’re ruining the experience for other people.

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The Jermyn Street Theatre, near Piccadilly Circus, will be the first to take on the tactic, which is currently used in China, to ensure that audiences keep their phones in their pockets.

Hopefully this’ll teach serial offenders a lesson about putting the phone down for an hour or two…


Tom Percival

Tom Percival

More of a concept than a journalist, Tom Percival was forged in the bowels of Salford University from which he emerged grasping a Masters in journalism. Since then his rise has been described by himself as ‘meteoric’ rising to the esteemed rank of Social Editor at UNILAD as well as working at the BBC, Manchester Evening News, and ITV. He credits his success to three core techniques, name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake.