Just when you thought you’d heard everything there is to know about Christmas, a curveball comes along in the form of vagina baubles.
Yep, you heard me. Baubles, in the shape of vaginas. Because why not? What more could you want than vaginas on your Christmas tree?
Sorry, I’m very conscious of the fact I’m just repeating the word ‘vaginas’ over and over again. But hey, the clue’s in the headline; you knew what you were letting yourself in for when you clicked the link!
Anyway, I digress. The decorative ornaments, otherwise known as Vaginaments, are available to buy from Etsy store Felt Melons.
The Vaginaments range from £13.74-£21.02 and come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. For example, you want a pierced one? Sorted. A tiny one to hang on your keyring? Done and dusted. And don’t even get me started on whether you want a bell or crystal clitoris – the choice is all yours.
All are handmade and stitched together using a quality wool-blend felt, meaning no effort is spared in the making of these Christmas decs.
The product description reads:
Soft wool-blend felt labia are carefully shaped, folded, and straight-stitched on to a tear drop shaped mons. A 9mm bell is nestled between the labia. It’s lightly stuffed to over 1” thick, and the seams are blanket-stitched together.
Just like Grandma’s needlework! But not. The white stitches along the bottom can be whatever you want them to be: post-C Section stitches, perineal repair, a new vagina….or, simply a design detail.
Each design is slightly different and you can get them in all different colours, meaning you’ve got plenty of choice when it comes to your Christmas colour scheme.
Each Vaginament has also been given a name tag, to set them apart from one another. Different names include ‘Yara,’ ‘Ariel,’ and ‘The Earth Mother’. Cute, right?
The product description goes on to say:
Since 2013, Vaginament® brand ornaments have been endearingly sewn entirely by hand in my dining room in Burlington, Ontario, one at a time. I use only heirloom quality wool-blend felt that is made in North America.
Bits pucker and dimple slightly when felt is hand sewn, so no ornaments are exactly the same – it’s all part of their charm. To this day they’re still a hoot to make, and I love that they make people smile.
They come in different sizes too, meaning you can display them as proudly or as discreetly as you like on your tree. After all, we don’t want granny getting too much of a shock when she walks through the door, do we?
Despite the baubles coming all the way from Canada, it costs only £5.99 to ship them to the United Kingdom so you’d better get ordering now if you want them in time for the festive period!
The store has a range of vagina themed items – including decorative ornaments, key rings, and embroidery. Because a vagina is for life, not just for Christmas!
You can buy the baubles here.
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A Broadcast Journalism Masters graduate who went on to achieve an NCTJ level 3 Diploma in Journalism, Lucy has done stints at ITV, BBC Inside Out and Key 103. While working as a journalist for UNILAD, Lucy has reported on breaking news stories while also writing features about mental health, cervical screening awareness, and Little Mix (who she is unapologetically obsessed with).