I’ve never been to a nudist beach and for a mildly optimistic guy – the sort of guy who looks at his bulging belly in the mirror and thinks ‘hmm could be a lot better, but could be worse’ – they still sound like a weird hell.
However, I’m only speaking for myself – as this guy, Australia’s self-confessed ‘world record masturbator’ loves them, perhaps a bit too much!
Everybody knows nudist beaches aren’t a sex paradise nor a Roman orgy. The meaning behind it I understand, it’s about feeling free as your natural self wearing nothing but your own skin.
However, Gary Thomas Chisolm, didn’t get the memo.
So the story goes, a woman, who was fast asleep on a nudist beach in Darwin, was disturbed by a ‘fast, wet, slippery kind of sound’, according to documents lodged to court, reports the Daily Mail.
When she opened her eyes and sat up, she was faced with Chisolm masturbating over her. She picked up a stick and began hitting him with it. He claims he was just putting on sun cream.
As you can probably imagine, Chisolm was arrested and told police he thought he was alone, however numerous witnesses caught him in the act and even pictured him fleeing the scene.
The witnesses described him as masturbating ‘vigourously, while thrusting his hips’.
After being arrested for indecent exposure Chisolm pleaded guilty, but shockingly, at the time of the incident, he was already on bail for doing the same thing to three people the previous November.
So now you’re probably asking yourself – what did Chisolm’s lawyer do to try and get him off – well this the most ludicrous part of the entire story.
His lawyer told the judge:
He says he’s extremely good at masturbating. He can do it extremely quickly. He basically has almost the world record in masturbating.
This is a courtroom for a serious offence not the Guinness World Records or Ripley’s Believe It Or Not!
He added how Chisolm is known to masturbate around 10 times every day, but again, I don’t see how any of this is relevant to doing such a thing over a sleeping woman?
Somehow, he got off with it! Receiving only a suspended sentence of five weeks and two days behind bars.
Judge Tanya Fong Lim said:
Your behaviour on both of these occasions is appalling. You may say you are embarrassed about having to come to court but you can imagine the embarrassment both those ladies must have had.
Upon receiving the sentence, Chisolm’s lawyer added:
He’s got to stop masturbating. He’s now seeking help. He has to now come to grips with perhaps taking some kind of blocker to [stop him] doing it.
Chisolm expressed how he felt he’d already suffered enough for his actions, saying:
[I] know what I’ve done is wrong, but I believe the five days spent in lock up were punishment enough.
Do you think justice was served in this case?
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Joseph Loftus is a Gold Standard NCTJ journalist with four years experience working for international and regional press.
As well as working for UNILAD and LADbible, Joseph has worked as Liverpool Correspondent for Unsigned & Independent Magazine, as well as stints with the Liverpool Echo and Warrington Guardian.