Just when you thought, after 2,017 years of wonderful Christmases, that we might have run out of new ideas to make the season more magical than the last, 2018 comes up with the goods.
Instead of (or as well as, depending how fancy you are) decorating your tree with fairy lights this year, just whack them on someone with a beard! Hey presto, a walking, talking, light-up Christmas tree with loads of presents in their sack and under their branches.
So, as long as you don’t suffer from pogonophobia, I would heartily recommend pinning down a bearded acquaintance this yuletide season and installing these dashing lights into their facial hair.
The festive fairy lights for your face are sold by Firebox, who say: ‘Basically it’s fairy lights for your beard’.
The description reads:
Not got room for a Christmas tree in your dismally small rental flat? Join the club! Don’t bother with one of those dinky desk sized ones, just get these and make yourself the tree this year.
Forgo the waxy styling products and replace them with this set of 18 multi-coloured nano LED lights – but don’t worry, you don’t have to hang them individually. Each of the heat-less lights are suspended on a 90cm cable that clips onto your beard painlessly. Just like normal fairy lights, but miniature so they nestle comfortably in your face fuzz.
Trust us, you can’t even tell they’re there when they’re in, so unobtrusive. We tested them on our extensive range of hirsute staff members and they all agreed.
They also give a word of warning – if your beard is wet, give the lights a miss. A bit of spilled champagne dribbling down your chin won’t hurt, but everyone knows moisture and electricity don’t mix well.
Unfortunately for those four million British men who worry that they can’t grow a beard, a study has found that men with beards are more attractive to women.
A study in the Journal of Evolutionary Biology discovered men with beards are universally more attractive than those without.
8,520 women were asked to rate men, both with and without facial hair, on a spectrum of ‘relationship longevity’ in a study entitled ‘The Masculinity Paradox’.
So out of these 8,520 women, how many preferred men with beards? All of them. Every single female in the study preferred her man with a bit of facial fuzz.
The research also found men with beards are seen as more mature and better long term partners, so get growing, guys.
The research found:
Male-typical facial features such as a pronounced brow ridge and a more robust jawline may signal underlying health, whereas beards may signal men’s age and masculine social dominance.
However, masculine faces are judged as more attractive for short-term relationships over less masculine faces, whereas beards are judged as more attractive than clean-shaven faces for long-term relationships.
So, this study found some women prefer their partners to have facial hair. And the perfect accessory for that facial hair? Fairy lights, naturally. Merry Christmas!
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Charlie Cocksedge is a journalist at UNILAD. He graduated from the University of Manchester with an MA in Creative Writing, where he learnt how to write in the third person, before getting his NCTJ. His work has also appeared in such places as The Guardian, PN Review and the bin.