Darts Player Denies Farting To Win Because He’d ‘Sh*t Himself’ If He Did

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Darts player denies fart.@rtl7darts/Twitter

There are some brags which are best left unbragged, and this perhaps includes denying a fart on the grounds you would have sh*t yourself if you had actually dealt it.

A game of darts quickly turned into a game of farts after former PDC World Champion, Gary ‘The Flying Scotsman’ Anderson was quizzed about a foul odour emitting from the oche where he had stood with Dutch opponent Wesley ‘Sparky’ Harms.

34-year-old Harms had informed Dutch TV channel RTL7L how he had been so affected by the stench that it would take take a full two days to exit his nostrils, pointing the finger firmly at Anderson.

The accusations began after their Grand Slam of Darts match on Friday November 16 in Wolverhampton’s Alderley Leisure Village, which Anderson won 10-2.

There’s every possibility these unsavoury accusations were motivated by jealousy, however the shifty look in Anderson’s panicked expression as he was interrogated seem to betray some sort of fiercely guarded secret, and has aroused suspicion.

With serene calmness, the post match interviewer for RTL7L got straight to the fart of the matter; asking Anderson:

Just spoke to Wesley, he said you were a class player […] and he said that it was smelly on the stage?

Responding to this accusation, Anderson adopted a look of saintly indignation; doggedly attempting to turn the stink bomb straight back onto Harms.

Eyes wild with fear and discomfort, Anderson claimed:

I thought he had sh*t! I thought Wesley had farted on stage, did he?

The interviewer then revealed Harms’ own thoughts on the matter, causing Anderson to adopt a look of shock. Then the protestations began, creating perhaps the best post-match interview in darting history.

With the shady bravado of an aristocratic suspect cornered in their own drawing room by Miss Marple, Anderson insisted:

You can put your finger up my arsehole, there will be no smell there. I thought he had sh*t and I went ‘that’s dirty’. It was bad!

Matters took a strange turn when an exasperated Anderson explained how it couldn’t have been him as he always sh*ts himself when he farts on stage.

A bold confession and a weird potential cover up for an embarrassing situation if ever there was one.

According to Anderson:

Usually, if I fart onstage I sh*t myself and you know that because I’ve told you in a documentary!

With the quiet fury of a corrupt politician swearing their innocence before a grand jury, Anderson insisted:

If the boy thinks I’ve farted he’s 1010 per cent wrong. I swear on my children’s lives that it was not my fault,

I had a bad stomach once on stage before and admitted it. So, I’m not going to lie about farting on stage.

Every time I walked past there was a waft of rotten eggs so that’s why I was thinking it was him.

He continued to provide further evidence as to his rival’s guilt, which has so far failed to convince me:

It was bad. It was a stink, then he started to play better, and I thought he must have needed to get some wind out.

If somebody has done that they need to see a doctor. Seemingly he says it was me, but I would admit it.

So who on earth was this phantom farter and what intricate mind games are they playing with these innocent darts players? Will we ever know the truth?

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Julia Banim

Julia Banim

Jules studied English Literature with Creative Writing at Lancaster University before earning her masters in International Relations at Leiden University in The Netherlands (Hoi!). She then trained as a journalist through News Associates in Manchester. Jules has previously worked as a mental health blogger, copywriter and freelancer for various publications. When not Lad-ing about, she enjoys cooking, reading and trying not to fall over in Yoga.