The World Cup may be in full swing but let’s be honest not all teams measure up on the pitch and it turns out they don’t in the trouser department either.
According to a study conducted by Hims, a male wellness brand, of the 32 nations taking part in the world cup, there’s a huge disparity in average penis size across the competition.
While Colombia may have struggled in the group stages of the current competition they can console themselves with having, on average, the biggest penises in the competition with an impressive 6.71 inches.
Ironically the team at the top of Colombia’s group, Japan, are the unfortunate souls at the bottom of the league table with the average penis in the Land of the Rising Sun measuring just 4.3 inches.
Unlucky lads, maybe they’ll reach the semis though that should give them an inch or two?
So where do England stand? Well, unsurprisingly we’re distinctly average, which sounds about right, with the average penis in Blighty measuring a standard five and a half inches.
While some people may be disappointed to hear that England aren’t world beaters when it comes to either football or indeed penis size they can comfort themselves with the knowledge we’ve got bigger dicks than most of Europe.
Or at least the parts of Europe that have decent football teams.
That’s right when it comes to being the biggest dicks we’ve got Europe beat, including Spain (5.45 inches), France (5.32 inches) and Portugal (5.19 inches).
Unfortunately, the competition favourites Germany have got the English side beat with 5.7 inches but even they pale in comparison to the mighty Danes and their mighty 6.2 inch schlongs, which are the biggest on average in Europe.
Literal dick-measuring aside, Hims reports that ‘penis anxiety’ is actually quite a common concern for men with depictions in the media and porn industry perpetuating unrealistic expectations of size.
A recent study by King’s College London found that the ‘six-inch myth’ is in fact just a myth and that in reality most men were 3.6 inches (9.16 cm) when flaccid and 5.2 (13.12 cm) inches when erect.
The study, which drew on 17 other studies and had more than 15,500 participants, was reportedly the most comprehensive study of penis size ever conducted.
Interestingly it also found that most men overestimate their erect penis size by about half an inch to one inch and this again leads to feelings of anxiety for men.
Men don’t really have that much to worry about though, as most women don’t actually care that much.
In a survey conducted by Health Bridge Limited, 67 per cent of women surveyed said that penis size was only ‘somewhat important to them’, adding that it wasn’t a major concern in their choice of partner.
Not only that 21 per cent of women claimed that penis size wasn’t important at all, with only 11 per cent of the women surveyed admitting that the size of a man’s penis was ‘very important’ to them when choosing a partner.
Basically if you’re worried about the size of your meat and two veg, don’t.
If you have a story you want to tell, send it to [email protected]
More of a concept than a journalist, Tom Percival was forged in the bowels of Salford University from which he emerged grasping a Masters in journalism.
Since then his rise has been described by himself as ‘meteoric’ rising to the esteemed rank of Social Editor at UNILAD as well as working at the BBC, Manchester Evening News, and ITV.
He credits his success to three core techniques, name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake.