The nation breathed a sigh of relief this week when the burning issue of our times, whether Danny Dyer had a big knob or not, was finally settled.
And according to The Evening Standard, the verdict is he does indeed have a large Brighton Rock, which Google reliably informs me is Cockney rhyming slang for penis because it rhymes with cock.
The size of Danny Dyer‘s private member was revealed in an episode of everyone’s favourite miserable drama Eastenders, which took a break from murdering its cast and a never ending bin story-line for some good old fashioned fun.
Namely they put Danny, who plays the Queen Vic’s lovable cockney landlord Mick Carter, in some super tight trousers so that if you squinted and used your imagination you could see little Danny.
Wandering into the queen Vic’s kitchen, where Danny’s on-screen wife Linda (Kelly Bright) was chatting to Sharon Mitchell (Letitia Dean), Mick joked: ‘I think these are a little bit tight don’t you?’
Sharon certainly agreed, laughing that the rumours of Mick’s trouser snake were true.
Twitter naturally took an interest in his bulge…
Enough of this Peeping Tom garbage and let's get back to me peeping at Mick's bulge #EastEnders
— sarah mcgregor (@motherofhorrors) December 20, 2016
— fay collinson (@faymichelle_81) December 20, 2016
— Vicki Hooper (@vickihoops) December 20, 2016
Tune into Eastenders next week when they’ll reveal whether Danny was just stuffing his jeans with socks.