There are a lot of fucked up things on the Internet, and a lot of fucked up stories on Reddit, especially – but sometimes even a simple fuck up story can be beyond repulsing.
This poor sod, known only as Grof_77, decided to tell his story on Reddit’s infamous TIFU page, about that time he unfortunately drank a can of ‘inhabited soda’.
However, don’t be fooled into thinking that it’s as simple as that, because I assure you, it is one hell of a lot more revolting.
Grof starts the post by simply writing: ‘This one is for all you bug lovers’. Yep, this is getting me queasy already.
This actually happened several months ago, not today, but that day I was sitting at my desk with a can of orange soda relaxing, as you do. I don’t remember the specific reason, but at some point I got up to go do something and ended up being away for a couple hours. When I returned, about half of the soda was still left and I decided to take a big swig of it.
Keep in mind that at the time, there was a bug problem in our house that has since been mostly resolved, and also it was very dark in my room.
Now, think back to that first line. ‘This one is for all you bug lovers’.
When I first had the misfortune of reading this hair raising anecdote, it was at this point I desperately wanted to intervene and tear the can from Grof’s lips like a superhero from an insecticide advert.
But I couldn’t, and you can’t either – we’re just left anxiously waiting for the next sickening sentence.
You might want to get some mouthwash on hand:
Immediately after drinking I noticed the sensation of a lot of small, soft things in my mouth and after a few seconds of confusion I looked down at the can to see hundreds of ants crawling over the top and inside.
And, yes, unfortunately for our hero, Grof, the story gets inevitably worse:
That’s when I realized the things in my mouth were moving. I proceeded to spit a mixture of soda and ants out of my mouth in disgust and shock.
One punny Redditor then asked: ‘Was it fANTa?’
He concludes the nightmare with a Too Long Didn’t Read, summing up the horror which we have been forced to sit through – ‘ I drank some soda without realizing that the soda was infested with ants and it wasn’t fun’.
Oh deary me…
Joseph Loftus is a Gold Standard NCTJ journalist with four years experience working for international and regional press.
As well as working for UNILAD and LADbible, Joseph has worked as Liverpool Correspondent for Unsigned & Independent Magazine, as well as stints with the Liverpool Echo and Warrington Guardian.