Without doubt alcohol can make people do a whole host of pretty fucked up things but fortunately most of them aren’t quite as bad as what this guy got up to with his cousin.
This poor, and pretty weird, bastard went round to his female cousin’s house for what started off as a very normal night. A couple of shots here and there and a good ol’ catch-up – nothing out of the ordinary – thus far, reports Elite Daily.
I’ll let Inferno tell the story in his own words from now on:
So this happened about a week ago and I still don’t know how she feels about the situation. OK last week my cousin (f) and I (m) were drinking at her new apartment, just the two of us. Taking shot after shot of fireball whiskey and well after about two hours of drinking I had a friend call and he wanted to smoke with me so I walked back to my place and met up with him.
So far so good:
We smoked a bowl or two and then I walked back to my cousins, she was sleeping when I got there so I crawled in bed with her because she doesn’t mind sleeping next to me and her bed was the only piece of furniture in the place.
Okay, so things are starting to get a little bit questionable now:
Now my cousin is about 5’5 blonde with an amazing ass.
Right. Wow. Where in the fuck is this going?
I’ve been dying to touch it for years well anyway after just looking at her sleeping in yoga pants with her ass towards me I finally worked up the courage to ask her if I could squeeze it.
Yep, you just read that. Our drunk and stoned protagonist has just ‘worked up the courage’ to ask his cousin if he can squeeze her ‘amazing ass’, and you know the worst part? This isn’t even the beginning.
After working up the deranged courage to ask his cousin if he could squeeze her booty, the Redditor added:
I shook her awake and said “hey can I ask you something and promise not to get mad” she said “what” I responded “OK I’ve been wanting to feel on your amazing ass for years. Can I touch it?” She laughed and said “sure” so I proceeded to feel on her for like 5 minutes.
FIVE MINUTES! Five fucking minutes. And do you want to know the best bit? That’s still not it:
I finally decided to ask if I could see her boobs but she said “they’re small I don’t like showing them” so I just kept rubbing her big booty.
Note to self – never refer to your cousin’s arse as ‘her big booty’.
Shortly afterwards things turned incredibly sour / awkward as the cousin asked the Redditor if he could stop because she ‘needs her inhaler’. Yeah, that’s the reason you’ve got to get out…
In his own words:
Well 30 minutes goes by and she said she has to leave to get her inhaler from her boyfriends and then she dropped me off at home. I woke up the next morning and told her I drank to much last night and I don’t remember what I did after I got back from smoking with my friend and what happened?
She said “idk nothing really. You drank the rest of the fireball and went to sleep until I woke you up to leave so I could get my inhaler” now she isn’t really returning my phone calls or text and I think I may have creeped her out by touching her and being a perv. What should I do reddit. Do I come clean and tell her I remember and that I was just drunk or just keep acting like nothing happened?
Unfortunately pal I have no words of advice for you.
You fucked up big.
Joseph Loftus is a Gold Standard NCTJ journalist with four years experience working for international and regional press.
As well as working for UNILAD and LADbible, Joseph has worked as Liverpool Correspondent for Unsigned & Independent Magazine, as well as stints with the Liverpool Echo and Warrington Guardian.