Guy’s Story About Having His Doll Stolen Is Pure Insanity

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The first rule of having a sex doll? Don’t talk about the sex doll.

I’m not sure who this guy is, but for some reasons his fans sent him a sex doll after he toyed with the idea of getting one for a while.

He then took to Facebook to post a photo of it, and then about 40 minutes later, posted a series of unsettling statuses explaining the oddest of occurrences with the sex doll.

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The mystery sex doll enthusiast explained how he found his home unlocked and his sex doll had been stolen.

But don’t worry, he went straight to the police to report his missing property claiming he he was left feeling ‘alone and sad’. Aww, bless.

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People were investing in his story, trying to understand where on Earth his beloved sex doll could have got to.

Then the story progressed and he explained how the police had found the doll in the back of a guy’s car when they pulled him over for a traffic violation.

As well as this, there was a sub plot: Apparently they ‘found enough meth in this dudes care to put him in prison for life and on top of that the dude was chopping up my sex doll to get to the metal skeleton so he could junk it for meth money’.

A crazy story right… you just couldn’t make this stuff up.

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Oh wait, apparently you really can make this stuff up.

The guy then, after what I can only assume was a sex doll induced guilty anxiety attack, confessed that he ripped the dolls vagina when having sex with it, got annoyed, cut it up and threw it away.

The guy signed off by saying:

I was embarrassed and I’m sorry for lying to friends and fans.

Well yeah you should be fucking embarrassed, you ripped your sex doll and then cut it up, and then decided to tell everyone, but created a creepily intricate lie about it, and then came clean.

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Jesus Christ that twist at the end completely got me.

The lie was so elaborate, it is almost psychopathic.

What a strange, strange man.