Royalists with a lot of money to waste, assemble!
An Etsy seller has custom-made some Prince Harry and Meghan Markle dolls, and they are hilarious.
Boasting Harry’s iconic brown-haired bowl cut and Meghan’s famously highly plucked eyebrows and robustly childlike figure, the dolls are being sold under the guise of ‘making history child’s play’.
The allegedly ‘adorable’ 18″ doll set and attire is said to be ‘inspired by the UK’s Prince Harry and America’s Meghan Markle, his soon to be Princess Bride’.
It’s an inspirational description presumably designed to make sure the American manufacturer doesn’t get sued under the Trade Descriptions Act.
The ‘Prince Harry’ inspired dolls come with a hand stitched suit jacket available in two colours – white and gold or blue and gold – which should make up for the fact that the young Prince looks a little more George Harrison than HRH Harry, Prince of Wales.
This ‘Royal Wedding’ 9-piece Doll Set includes a Prince Harry ‘inspired’ 18″ doll, suit jacket, suit pant, blue shoes and Meghan Markle ‘inspired’ 18″ doll, wedding gown, white shoes, veil, and white bouquet, which wouldn’t look out of place on an episode of Don’t Tell The Bride.
Both wear the trademark glazed, dumbfounded look of a couple embarking on a journey into new matrimonial bliss, and should come with a disclaimer stating the seller isn’t responsible for the inevitable therapy needed.
This face is surely enough to keep you up at night with nepotism-themed nightmares:
Seller HistoryWearz lists the item, saying:
HistoryWearz dolls are acquired from standard quality manufacturers, then dressed in handmade, hand sewn clothing designed by our very own shop owner and seamstress.
Her creations are inspired by and created to depict a real person’s ‘iconic’ ensemble from a historical or current event.
Each purchase includes a ‘Hello’ greeting card of information about who the doll is dressed to depict, what they accomplished, and/or their impact on society!
They may not be as historically accurate – or presently accurate, for that matter – as claimed but they are good for a giggle, for the princely sum of £130.
All clothing seams are finished for professional quality and lasting wear. These ‘MADE IN AMERICA’ outfits are handmade by the HistoryWearz™ shop owner, Shirley Olivia Lee, in a smoke free, pet free home and office based in New Jersey.
Presumably the items have been commissioned by angry royalists who dismissed humanitarian, actor and activist, Markle as unfit for marriage into the royal family – or maybe Kate Middleton was just getting an artist’s impression to confirm her dress was the most fancy.
Potential purchasers, please note: Hand wash, cold water, line dry, along with your sense of worth.
You can buy them on Etsy, if you really must.
Here’s the happy couple in real life being cute, for reference:
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Meanwhile, in Britain, Kensington Palace has announced newly engaged Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have set a date for their spring wedding.
In an official statement, the palace revealed the couple will be married at St George’s Chapel in Windsor Castle in May next year.
It was also announced the wedding will be paid for by the royal family.
A former emo kid who talks too much about 8Chan meme culture, the Kardashian Klan, and how her smartphone is probably killing her. Francesca is a Cardiff University Journalism Masters grad who has done words for BBC, ELLE, The Debrief, DAZED, an art magazine you’ve never heard of and a feminist zine which never went to print.