Man Tasered Because He Wouldn’t Stop Having Sex With Car Exhaust
Here’s something me and Ryan Scott Malek share: we’re both 24. Here’s something we don’t: only one of us has sex with car exhaust pipes.
That’s right, a man in Kansas, US, has been sentenced for repeatedly trying to get jiggy with the tailpipe.
Police said Malek was intoxicated at the time of the dalliance, with his alcohol content level recorded at four times over the legal limit.
According to first response, Malek was ‘oblivious’ to what he was doing and had to be tasered in order for him to be freed from his inanimate mating partner.
He was then taken to a local hospital.
The Newton resident was given one year of probation and was forced to pay a $200 fine, reports The Sun. I guess that’s the price you pay for pumping these days.
There were six witnesses at the scene, court documents revealed.
Yet, it wasn’t Malek’s first run-in with the feds. Back in February, he was arrested for aggravated assault and use of a deadly weapon, according to Newton police arrest logs.
Under section 5 of the Public Order Act 1986, a person is guilty of an offence if they use threatening (or abusive) words or behaviour, or disorderly behaviour within the hearing or sight of a person likely to be caused harassment, alarm or distress.
The Sexual Offences Act 2003 says a person commits an offence if they intentionally expose their genitals and intend for someone to see them and be caused alarm or distress.
The same act defines sexual activity in a public lavatory as a crime. Punishments can vary but most offences are punished with fines.
Look, what Malek did was ‘wrong’ and ‘illegal’ and ‘strange’ and all the rest of it, but maybe the car is in love?
Maybe the vehicle in question refused to speak to officials and therefore they assumed the whole situation was a one-way fling?
All I know is… I don’t know actually. Please don’t have sexual intercourse with innocent cars.
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