‘Children are such joys, aren’t they?’ Said anyone who doesn’t have children and therefore never has to experience what they’re really like.
Because – as many a parent knows – they’re also little terrors, particularly when it comes to their eating habits and hygiene standards (or lack thereof).
Basically, they’ll eat anything and everything they want, regardless of where it’s come from – whether it’s been on the floor, the toilet, the bin, wherever. You name it, they’ll eat it.
Or, as one mum learnt the hard way recently, they’ll give it to you to eat. Unknowingly, of course, until they reveal what you have just eaten and make you want to ‘wash your mouth out with Clorox’.
The mum in question, Sidney Anderson, bought her four-year-old daughter Blakely an ice cream cone and left her to enjoy it, thinking nothing could possibly go wrong.
Sidney, a nurse who runs the Facebook page Someone Hold My Beer, shared the hilarious story with her followers, writing:
Y’ALL!!!! I am DONE with these kids!! I learned a hard lesson today…one I wasn’t prepared for and I feel like I’ve been through a trauma! I need prayer!
I got Blakely an ice cream cone (yes the McDonald’s machine was working). Well she walks into the living room and hands me her cone (half eaten like everything I give her) and I know all you moms have been there.
We as moms pretty much live off of the food our kids don’t eat so I licked it before it dripped.
At this point, you’re probably wondering what on Earth could go wrong. It’s only an ice cream cone after all. But then comes the clincher.
You see, as Sidney licked the ice cream, she noticed Blakely was just staring at her with a solemn expression on her face before frantically asking her mum: ‘Is it okay?!’
The mum continued:
At this point I’m scared b/c I don’t know what just happened. I think maybe she dropped it in her room and was scared to say. We stand there looking at each other and the ice cream cone.
And this fool says: ‘I accidentally wiped my butt with it’. Excuse me?!! With this ice cream cone I just licked?! Wtf!! I am coming unglued.
Incredible. Obviously, Sidney’s first question was how. HOW did her daughter accidentally wipe her bum with an ice cream?! Following that, WHY did she give it to her mum to eat?!
At this, little Blakely had just one response: ‘I used the wrong hand to wipe but it was just pee mommy’. Well, at least there’s that. It could be worse, I suppose.
Not for Sidney though, who ended the post by saying she’d be washing her mouth out with bleach if anyone needs her. Which, let’s face it, I think we’d all be tempted to do if put in the same position.
The post quickly went viral, receiving more than 275k shares and nearly 180k comments over a matter of days, with many sympathising with the mum and sharing their own experiences of their own terror tots.
Mostly though, the post was full of other parents warning Sidney to never EVER eat something kids give you – or else.
And as this story proves, it’s always best to heed that warning.
If you have a story you want to tell send it to UNILAD via [email protected]
A Broadcast Journalism Masters graduate who went on to achieve an NCTJ level 3 Diploma in Journalism, Lucy has done stints at ITV, BBC Inside Out and Key 103. While working as a journalist for UNILAD, Lucy has reported on breaking news stories while also writing features about mental health, cervical screening awareness, and Little Mix (who she is unapologetically obsessed with).