Once upon a time I read a story about a weird guy who used to urinate, just a little, into the milk cartons at his girlfriends parents’ house.
He didn’t really explain why he did what he did other than that it made him feel like he’d got one over on his girlfriend’s mum and dad. I always thought that was pretty fucked up but apparently there’s far worse things out there.
Blablie (which is definitely his real name) took to Reddit to post in the Today I Fucked Up section, and yes, he really did fuck up. Bad.
Here’s the original post – you might want to pop your drink down for a second as you read this:
Excuses for my bad English, I’ll do my best.
This happened a couple weeks ago. I had a pretty bad cold (not any fever or anything, just headaches and a sore throat and coughing up a lot of slime) so I stayed at home from school. I decided to lay on the couch while my mom was going somewhere with a friend of her.
After a couple hours I was bored so I decided to start fapping (I didn’t feel that bad). I didn’t have anything near me to dump my load in except a cup with a little water left in it. I decided to use it and said to myself that I would wash the cup right after I would be finished. This is where the fuckup started.
After I finished I was so stupid enough to put the cup back where it was. I know that I was being stupid but I really didn’t feel like coming of the couch. Then my mom comes back and starts a conversation with me. She decides that she’ll be nice to me and clear the little table next to the couch. She picked up the cup and DRANK WHAT WAS LEFT.
You could see on her face that the stuff she drank wasn’t exclusively water and she asked what it was. I’m completely fucking shocked and I’m just able to say that it was some slime that I coughed up and spitted out. She was extremely disgusted and got pissed at me. I just wanted to kill myself that moment but I think I handled the situation pretty well by telling her that she drank some of my spittle than some of my semen.
That’s enough Internet for me today – and to think, poor Blablie actually thought that telling his mum it was goz and not semen was ‘handling the situation well’…
Joseph Loftus is a Gold Standard NCTJ journalist with four years experience working for international and regional press.
As well as working for UNILAD and LADbible, Joseph has worked as Liverpool Correspondent for Unsigned & Independent Magazine, as well as stints with the Liverpool Echo and Warrington Guardian.